Safe people are not threatened by different opinions, nor are they upset when someone disagrees with them. Cloud and Townsend, who wrote the book Unsafe People. A safe person confronts in love, with humility, wanting the person to be restored. As an unsafe person, I was sometimes overly concerned about me. - In Viet Nam a few men died because they paid no attention to what I said. Identify the behavior that you need to learn to respond to in a way that protects you. Religious people get a bad name because of those who use it as a weapon to judge and criticize, and otherwise beat people over the head with it. • Unsafe people apologize without changing their behavior. Growing up, we were not disciplined, but instead we were abused. Stagnant vs. Anne Peterson is a regular contributor to Crosswalk. • Unsafe people lie. The new ladder was no better (taller) than the one I fell from trying to put things too far above it. When we were at our worst, God loved us and Christ died for us when we were sinners (Romans 5:8). Someone who only tells you your good points is trying to make sure you keep liking them. I would never react that way today to the same stimuli. You’ve never met me, but sometimes, I was what some would call an unsafe person. An unsafe person demands respect. Unsafe people condemn us, instead of forgiving us. • Unsafe people are defensive. Safe people encourage value and nurture the separateness of other people. Some of us were fortunate and/or resilient enough that we had or developed relationships with a few safe people that we could count on in childhood. Maybe the reason behind it is because there's a stronger emotional tie to my daughter...who knows? Identify the reason you pick unsafe people … God is behind boundaries. With reference to defensiveness, a very close friend is able to help me navigate my life with less stress by pointing out my areas for growth. I refused to climb the ladder and was told to get off the jobsite. I couldn't resist commenting. There is mutual respect, they are on equal ground, one is not above the other. In their book, Safe People, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend outline the personality and behavioral traits of both safe and unsafe people. Reading good books, getting good counsel, and asking God to help us is a great start. But first, we need to know 10 basic truths: Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/fotogestoeber.de. - During my work in a drug store I warned the manager about the unsafe ladder, and was ignored. Safe people ask, rather than make demands. The point being is that, even thought the above list is a useful 'guide', the overall human condition is far too complex and, in my experience, we are all far too inconsistent day to day. Recognizing the following traits of unsafe people will keep you and your relationships safe: • Unsafe people do not like to admit their weaknesses. 4,166 Downloads. If you confront someone with your concerns, and he gets upset or angry, he is not able to hear you and not willing to take responsibility for his actions. And reality is if you know what you want, then it will come easy to you, what you expect to be your red flags. A safe person will be honest. Anne is a poet, speaker, published author of 16 books, including her latest book, Always There: Finding God's Comfort Through Loss. I was not readily confessing my faults, but instead, I hid them. I didn't even realize that I was being defensive, until someone told me. Pupils examine safe and healthy scenarios. Once I was told to go up a 30+ feet extension ladder. Unsafe people defend themselves when confronted instead of being open to feedback and … Growing. Safe people don’t gossip about others. was "OSHA approved." When a person values themselves, they don’t let others hurt them. As John wrote: “The Word became flesh and lived for a while among us. Shame and self-hatred. 4. 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